Jackass

Parent/Teacher conferences are this week, and Jayni and I met with Miss Mark yesterday to learn about how Rhiannon is REALLY doing. Often Rhiannon comes home with tales straight out of Jacob's Ladder or from the mind of Marty Scorcese.

"Dad! Today Marissa broke her thumb off! And it hurt really bad!"

"Dad! Today Grace buried me in sand!"

"Dad! Today Vinnie said he was gonna whack a guy after school!"

Okay, so that last one was a fiction, but I figure it's only a matter of time before we have the Mean Streets of Milenio. Rhiannon's safe, but in her imagination, she's against the world. And she's ready for them.

Case in point:

Rhiannon has been learning a bit of self-defense both at school and at home. This fits in nicely with the "never take candy from strangers" and "never talk to strangers unless they are dressed as a clown and smell like beer and cigarettes" discussions. We've told Rhiannon about that special spot that all males have that is like a "break in case of danger" sign. It's our Achilles crotch.

So imagine our surprise when late in our interview with Miss Mark she asks us if Rhiannon told us what happened today. Uh-oh. We hadn't heard anything because Rhiannon is in Kids' Club after school.

"So what happened?"

It turns out that one of the boys in Rhiannon's classroom is a bit of an adventurer, and is very much into helping humanity evolve by experiencing new things. Apparently this includes pain and dares after watching his brother's collection of Jackass episodes. As Miss Mark tells it, this young man said, "hey, Rhiannon! Kick me in the nuts!"

Rhiannon looks at him, and never being one to turn down a good thing, agrees.

A minute later and the kid is on the ground asking to go to the nurse.

Jayni and I are trying not to laugh. We know it's wrong, but hey. The kid asked for it. Rhiannon was sent to the principal's office where she apparently told the principal something to the effect that she didn't know why she did it, but that it seemed to be a good idea at the time. For this response, she had to sit out of recess and think of a better answer. She drew a blank.

When we got Rhiannon home, we asked her about what happened, and then told her that it's not cool to kick a boy in the nuts.

"But he ASKED me to do it!"

Good point. How could you say no?

"And Hunter thought it was funny!"

Another good point. The kid knows funny. "Rhiannon, even though he asked for it, and even though it is kind of funny, you can't do that at school. And kicking a guy there should only happen if you are in danger."

"Alright. But he still asked for it."

We let it go.

Rhiannon. Cute like a kick to the groin.

Andrew (Papa)