Because I'm smart!

Rhiannon likes to check the mail. She knows that she only gets cards on holidays and that sometimes they are stuffed with goodies of the paper variety. But usually it's junk mail she craves and it's junk mail she gets. Saturday was no exception.

At ten, we walked out to the mailbox, its angle of rest adjusted permanently by children last year. We peeked inside and saw one letter, a flier. Once we were back inside, mom asked what we got. Rhiannon says, "we got an ad from Wal Mart".

Jayni and I looked at each other. Neither one of us had mentioned the store.

I asked, "Rhiannon, how did you know that letter was from Wal Mart?"

"Because I'm smart!"

So cute my brain aches.

Andrew (Papa)

Good night, sleep tight

Rhiannon has a bedtime ritual that is almost as old as she is. First, I chase her up the stairs, but somehow she always seems to win, although sometimes her stuffed doggie gets top prize. Dad usually comes in last, but not for lack of not trying.

Then it's into the bathroom for teeth-brushing and potty. Rhiannon has her favorite pink Barbie toothpaste, but tonight I forgot and gave her mine, which apparently is called "death by minty taste" and it made Rhiannon cry. So we rinsed and tried again. Then comes the bubble-gum flavored ACT rinse (which is way better than the crap-flavored SAT rinse) poured into a personally selected Cars (from Pixar!) paper cup. Swish, rinse, spit.

Off to the bedroom for a selection of PJs (unless she decides to be "Bikini Girl"). Tonight, princess gown.

Next comes music selection. Rhiannon loves to fall asleep with tunes. She went for about two months listening to nothing but the soundtrack to the first Willy Wonka movie. This was replaced by the soundtrack to The Wizard of Oz. One of her first favorites was Marlo Thomas' Free to be You and Me. Tonight: Laurie Lady (Laurie Berkner).

Now the fight over books. Rhiannon usually gets three stories, plus the occasional Rhiannon story (about her and her super-cute powers of super-cuteness). Unless they are "big books" in which she might just get one or two based on length. Tonight it was a comic book from the Witch cartoon show on Jetix that she seems to really associate with, being a high school girl and fashion marvel. She also likes Totally Spies. And ham.

Then come the knock-knock jokes:

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Stu.

Stu who?

Stu late, baby, now it's stu late....

Etc.

Finally the music starts and the lights go out. The door shuts and I stand in the hall for a minute having a conversation with Rhiannon through the door.

Good night, dad!

Good night, Rhiannon.

Sleep tight!

Sleep tight, Rhiannon.

I'm having a sweet dream!

That's great.

You have a sweet dream, too, dad!

*sob* I'm such a softie.

Soporific cuteness.

Andrew (Papa)

Trouble in Paradise

The honeymoon is over. On our recent trip to Door County over Easter, Rhiannon resolved to dump Anthony in favor of a new boy she met at school. Connor is famouse for pulling faces in the playroom and for genuinely being a nice guy. Anthony is famous for streaking and trying to pee on guests to his house. Anthony is also a bit of a thug, successfully beating up siblings and children almost twice his age (he is 3) in fits of anger. So Rhiannon wisely chose someone new. Isn't it typical that the boy left at home is replaced by a new boy met away at school?

On the drive back to Kenosha, Rhiannon sang songs about Connor (she never sang songs about Anthony). She also dictated a letter:

Dear Anthony,

I am not going to marry you. I am going to marry Connor.

Thanks!

Rhiannon

As Rhiannon was getting tucked into bed last night, she asked Jayni to remove the enormous princess balloon that Anthony brought her two weeks ago. "Take it downstairs". And so the purging begins to make room for more love in that little heart. Woe to Connor should Anthony ever meet him.

Devastatingly cute.

Andrew (Papa)

The Rules About Me

Bedtime and Rhiannon is on the "big bed" with an activity book and a pen while I pick out my clothes for tomorrow's workday. Out of the corner of my ear I hear:

"Daddy, I want to give myself a tattoo on my leg".

Rhiannon sits there, poised and ready to start inking what would no doubt be some kind of Barbie Fairytopia distortion.

"Absolutely not," I say.

Rhiannon looks at me, beetle-browed and eyes alight. "I don't know the rules about me, dad. YOU know the rules about me."

Pause. Okay...what now? Jayni's still at school, so I'm on my own here.

"Mom took away your markers because you colored on yourself with them a lot."

"This is a pen, dad, not a marker."

"No writing on yourself."

"I got it. How about some candy? I'm hungry." Rhiannon's dodge is artless and ingenuous.

"No. You had gum as your treat."

"Mom has candy and she gives it to me."

"I'm not mom."

"Mom keeps her candy in that drawer over there."

Oh? Hmmm. Maybe we should take a look then.

"She gives me sour things." Rhiannon opens the drawer, but there's only half a box of Nerds in there. "Where is it?!?"

"I don't know, Rhiannon. If you're hungry, we can have bread or tomatoes or blueberries." She's growing again and already had a complete dinner an hour earlier.

"NO! CANDY!!! MOM HAS MORE!!!!!"

Really. "And where is that?"

"Here, dad". Rhiannon opens another drawer. Inside is a Watchamacallit, a peppermint stick, and a Hershey Bar. Mom doesn't even like chocolate that much.

"No, Rhiannon. That's mom's candy. Mom said dad would get in big trouble if he had any of her candy." This is true.

"You have to, dad". The pleading begins.

"No. I'm not going to be bad."

"YES, YOU HAVE TO BE BAD. GIVE ME THE CANDY!!!"

At this point, I am considering calling in a team of negotiators to sit down with Rhiannon. But she might just win.

"No. Let's go. You can have bread, tomatoes, or blueberries."

"I want a banana." Again, she conjures an option I had not considered.

"Okay." I go downstairs and get her a mini-banana which she eats with delight.

"I love you, daddy."

Rhiannon. Arguably cute.

Andrew (Papa)

Cute-Tube

Most kids enjoy Saturday morning cartoons. My daughter used to...until she got hooked on YouTube.

A little backstory: A few years ago I bought my wife a 3-DVD set of The World of Sid & Marty Krofft as a Christmas present. She remembered watching Lidsville and H.R. Pufnstuf while I, seven years younger, felt more nostalgia for Sigmund the Sea Monster and Land of the Lost. We thought we'd try Rhiannon out on a couple of these older kids' shows to see if she liked them, and now she can't get enough -- especially of the Fab Fairy Four, the Bugaloos.

Enter YouTube. Almost every song and episode from every Krofft production. Puppetheads unite! To the "mature" adult, the camp is classic. To our child, a fairy world awaits:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvUvC2dDKWA

So now, on Saturdays, we're watching 30-year-old children's programming with a distinct psychedelic bent. And when Rhiannon suggests to the neighborhood kids that they all venture into Puppetland like Jimmy with his magic flute, they stare at her blankly and then proceed to play with their Bratz dolls.

Our Rhiannon -- CuTubeness.

Andrew (Papa)