The Rules About Me

Bedtime and Rhiannon is on the "big bed" with an activity book and a pen while I pick out my clothes for tomorrow's workday. Out of the corner of my ear I hear:

"Daddy, I want to give myself a tattoo on my leg".

Rhiannon sits there, poised and ready to start inking what would no doubt be some kind of Barbie Fairytopia distortion.

"Absolutely not," I say.

Rhiannon looks at me, beetle-browed and eyes alight. "I don't know the rules about me, dad. YOU know the rules about me."

Pause. Okay...what now? Jayni's still at school, so I'm on my own here.

"Mom took away your markers because you colored on yourself with them a lot."

"This is a pen, dad, not a marker."

"No writing on yourself."

"I got it. How about some candy? I'm hungry." Rhiannon's dodge is artless and ingenuous.

"No. You had gum as your treat."

"Mom has candy and she gives it to me."

"I'm not mom."

"Mom keeps her candy in that drawer over there."

Oh? Hmmm. Maybe we should take a look then.

"She gives me sour things." Rhiannon opens the drawer, but there's only half a box of Nerds in there. "Where is it?!?"

"I don't know, Rhiannon. If you're hungry, we can have bread or tomatoes or blueberries." She's growing again and already had a complete dinner an hour earlier.

"NO! CANDY!!! MOM HAS MORE!!!!!"

Really. "And where is that?"

"Here, dad". Rhiannon opens another drawer. Inside is a Watchamacallit, a peppermint stick, and a Hershey Bar. Mom doesn't even like chocolate that much.

"No, Rhiannon. That's mom's candy. Mom said dad would get in big trouble if he had any of her candy." This is true.

"You have to, dad". The pleading begins.

"No. I'm not going to be bad."

"YES, YOU HAVE TO BE BAD. GIVE ME THE CANDY!!!"

At this point, I am considering calling in a team of negotiators to sit down with Rhiannon. But she might just win.

"No. Let's go. You can have bread, tomatoes, or blueberries."

"I want a banana." Again, she conjures an option I had not considered.

"Okay." I go downstairs and get her a mini-banana which she eats with delight.

"I love you, daddy."

Rhiannon. Arguably cute.

Andrew (Papa)